Everyone has a different way of coping with loss.
Today is Christmas and it also happens to be my parent’s wedding anniversary. My mother passed away nearly twenty years back. Her loss was sudden and catastrophic for us all. Several loved ones have left after that. Its been a long journey, and over the years, I have found that what brings me peace is focusing on the gratitude that they lived. Instead of sinking into depression, I recollect the wonderful moments we had together and how deeply they have touched and influenced my life and continue to do so. So birthdays and anniversaries remain days of gratitude and celebration. One month after my husband passed away, my friends and I celebrated his birthday with a wonderful party at our regular haunt. We played his favorite music, ate his favorite food, clinked many a glass in good cheer and laughed at his idiosyncrasies. The attitude took some by surprise, but to their credit – they joined in with whole-hearted support. Several of them have told me how touched they were and how it helped them cope with his loss.
I have shared this approach with my clients as well. Emotional Freedom Techniques has improved its efficacy. Using The Choices Method in EFT, I ask them to focus on a mental snapshot of one of their happiest times together. We tap for the grief, helplessness, etc.. , using an affirmation like: “Even though I am overwhelmed with grief, I am grateful __ was in my life.” We then do another round focusing on this snapshot and then a last round alternating between the two. I cannot tell you what a transformation it has brought about in grieving clients.
In this world of duality, let us embrace both realities of life – living and moving on are two sides of the same coin.
Today – I chose to make a modified version of an upside down Pineapple Cake, because my mom enjoyed it. For my father, I made my version of Egg Florentine. (Don’t ask me what the rose petals and almonds are doing on the cake, that was his idea!)
Merry Christmas to you all! Let the good cheer spread far and wide 🙂
Pineapple Upside Down Cake
1/4 th cup sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla bean scraping
1/2 cup milk
1/4th cup salted butter
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
Melt butter, sugar and vanilla together. Add a little water if required. Pour into a buttered cake dish. Place Pineapple slices.
Beat the egg, add sugar, melted butter and milk, then the vanilla and sieved flour and baking powder. Pour batter over the pineapple. Bake in a preheated over (180 C) for about 40-45 minutes. Take out and turn upside! If you use white sugar, it will look like mine. The more traditional one looks caramelized because of brown sugar.