Tag Archives: awareness

“What Would You Like To Order?”

292782_10151090744441333_54019068_n

As I sat peacefully in a fine dining restaurant, under the shade of a cool tree, I could not help but overhear the conversation at the table next to me.  A young couple, clearly in the early days of courtship.  Tremulous excitement.  Uncertain but hopeful air.  Attempting to decide upon mutually appealing fare as smoothly as possible.  They spent some time discussing the menu and then it was time to place the order.  

But the steward had other plans. With an air of authority, his confidence stopped just short of arrogance.  The couple before him were clearly no match.  The young man was anxious to please his date.  He hesitantly ‘suggested’ a dish they had discussed.  The steward responded with disdain, politely verbalizing, “Wouldn’t you like to try … instead? Our chef is particularly good at pastas.”  Visibly nervous, the young man glanced at his friend who had begun shaking her head in negation. “I don’t like pasta too much,” she pouted.  This put him in a fix.  He tried placing another order, but the steward was beginning to look displeased.  The lady also began to feel intimidated, doubting her own tastes.  “Are you sure it is good?” asked the customer.  Despite the affirmative, he asked another three times, in different ways.  Essentially, unknowingly, asking for assurance as they all knew that they would finally settle for the steward’s choice.  

As he walked away triumphantly, the two looked crestfallen and yet relieved.  “It should be good.  He told us so.” muttered the man.  “Yes, I guess no harm in trying.” she replied with a little disappointment.

While it is perfectly fine to solicit information and advise and be willing to experiment, seeing the dampening effect on them, the following observations came to mind:

  • It is easy to be influenced when we are not sure of our selves.
  • We give away our power easily to those in authoritative positions.  A steward can make you change your choice of food, a doctor your choice of treatment, and so on.  While there is nothing wrong with acknowledging and relying on another’s expertise, the question is, have you chosen your ‘expert’ with awareness, or through fear?  Is this a conscious evaluation or blind faith?
  • Despite having doubts about the congruence between the steward’s recommendations and their own preference, the customer failed to find the courage to voice them.  How often do we silence our inner voice and what does this cost us?  More than a meal I am sure.  Where have you stifled your own choices because of someone else’s influence?
  • Once he had relegated his power, repeatedly asking for assurance hints at how we attempt to justify the actions we have given in to.  The initial error is now re-framed by seeking reasons to rationalize it.
  • The feelings of discomfort are obvious and palpable, but ignored.  All they had to do was acknowledge that neither of them was happy with the order, call him back and change it.  But instead, they both pretended to be fine about it and even perpetuated the pretense with each other.  Again, what does this kind of masking cost us in other areas?

Who we are reflects in all our spaces.  And sometimes being observant in one area can lead to useful insights in other areas of your life.  So the next time you pick a new restaurant, do notice how you go about choosing your experience.

PS:  In case you are wondering, they did not enjoy the pasta after all. And drew the radical conclusion that they should avoid this restaurant in the future.  Rather sad, because the food and ambiance are excellent actually.   They just never took the opportunity it offered, but relied entirely on someone  else instead.

Image Courtesy:  Marylou Falstreau

2 Comments

Filed under Life and Living, Meal Experience, World and Community

9 Buffet Tips That Can Be Applied To Life

21711_10151100418721333_1996270258_n

Even if the menu says ‘All you can eat‘, what you get out of the meal is largely up to you.  Much as is the case with life. Like the generous spread on offer at a lavish buffet, we are offered a wide variety of experiences.  And just as we can navigate the meal in different ways with varying consequences, so it is with life.  It has taken me a while to learn the ‘art of eating at buffets’ and I felt many things understood there are equally relevant to the way we move through life.  So here are 9 parallels one could draw between enjoying such meals and life:

  1.  Run a quick survey first:  Instead of loading up the plate from the start, an observant glance around the table will give a good idea of what is on offer.  While it may be tempting to think one can sample it all, going by the number of dishes put out on the average buffet these days, it would be wise to be more discerning.  Similarly, there are number of interests and experiences available out there, but realistically, we cannot sample them all.  Having a general sense of what you would definitely like towards the top of your list and what you can live without is a useful place to start.
  2. Decide what you don’t want:  The older ideas of sampling a spoonful of everything before deciding on the mains is now simply impractical.  You will either end up overeating or be too full to really dive deep into the flavors that appeal to you.  The body knows what it would like and what is good for it.  Those inclined can learn muscle testing to quickly and discretely discover what would work for them.  In life, mindfulness can just as easily guide us as to what would be appropriate for us.  The thoughtful pause is extremely useful in making conscious choice a way of being.
  3. All that glitters is not gold:  Attractive looking dishes may not make for the healthiest of food.  Artificial colors, additives and unhealthy ingredients can often look appealing but prove costly in the long run.  Which one of us has not had difficulty in resisting temptations in life?  But here too, short term indulgences can lead to expensive, long term consequences.  Sometimes the best things appear simple and you may miss their true merit if you go by appearance alone.  Weigh the pros and cons carefully.
  4. Don’t be afraid to explore: Bearing in mind the above, you can still experiment with the unfamiliar and unknown.  We tend to stick to old favorites, even checking the spread with an intention of finding what we liked the last time.  Be open to discovering something new.  If you never ask ‘What is good and new?‘, something fresh and wonderful may be under your nose, but you wouldn’t see it.  We often need to unlearn our old ideas in order to see radical shifts in our lives.
  5. Choose quality over quantity:  Anything in excess can prove detrimental to one’s health.  Selective portions of pleasing items can appease the taste buds and yet not be excessive.  We can practice the same discernment in life, displaying a wise moderation in our choice of activities and behaviors.
  6.  Make room for your favorites:  I have no qualms about having a sweet tooth.  So I ensure that I have a look at the desserts section at the very beginning and adjust my other intake accordingly.  I feel the same way about making room for sweetness in life.  There is no point in filling our hours with activities (or the lack of it) and depriving ourselves of whatever it is that really makes us come alive.
  7. Remember tastes differ:  One man’s meat is another man’s poison.  The beauty of having so much diversity on offer is that everyone is free to enjoy what suits them.  This is also true about diets, religion, philosophy, healing techniques and so on.  So live and let live.
  8. Value everything:  People seem to believe that the only way to get value for an expensive meal is to overeat.  Which implies that the only thing you are valuing is the quantity.  Whereas you are actually also availing of taste, ambiance, space, comfort, pampering and so on.  So don’t worry about stuffing yourself, but do make sure you appreciate the finer nuances of the dining experience.  Ever seen the modern day, typical tourist?  They seem so busy clicking pictures to take home ‘memories’ (or demonstrable evidence of their travels), that they forget to actually experience memorable moments.  Don’t pass through life blind to all the gifts it offers you.  The moment you widen the scope of what you value, you will find yourself appreciating each experience with a new depth and sincerity.
  9. Appreciate generously:  A lot of painstaking effort goes on behind the scenes, to make possible your heavenly dining experience.  If you like something in particular, do make it a point to pass on your compliments.  Look around you and notice how many people have contributed towards whatever joy you are experiencing today.  Have you thanked them for it?

What insights have you gained from your own buffet outings?  Do share your comments below.

 

Image Kind Courtesy: Marylou Falstreau (all rights reserved)

4 Comments

Filed under Life and Living, Meal Experience, Relationships, World and Community

Simple Living + Recipe Roasted Vegetables

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.” ~ Groucho Marx

Somewhere in our attempt at keeping up with the Jones, we seem to have lost our connection to the simple pleasures of life. Society and media encourage us towards more and more expensive, grandiose and pretentious tastes.  Whereas everyday gems are long forgotten, even dismissed for their ordinariness.  But that is the challenge that we humans face.

We tend to take our gifts for granted.  Unless they come wrapped in fancy trappings and are difficult to obtain, we seem to miss their intrinsic value.

What would it be like to actually appreciate the presence of the many unadorned gifts in your daily life?  The flowering of your terrace plant, the smile on your child’s lips, the appreciative glimmer in your partner’s eyes, the colorful sunset over a soothing sea? We starve ourselves of these daily blessings by failing to notice them. Instead, we are distracted by our impatient cravings for the rare designer label, the exotic vacation to far off lands, or more commonly, the validation of having provoked envy in others through the obtainment of such symbols of success.

Consider how your food preferences can remind you of all this.  Despite all the expensive restaurant meals, lavish parties, complicated recipes and exotic ingredients that you may have already sampled, your regular favorite is likely to be a basic, home cooked meal. Perhaps the jhunka-bhakar for the Maharashtrian, or the sambar-rice for the Tamilian. No matter which part of the world you come from, your own preferred fare will most likely be one of the simplest dishes of the region.  For example, one of the most popular pizzas in Italy is the original Margherita, which has only tomato, mozzarella, and basil.  Now, isn’t that food for thought?

So while I am not dissuading you from your ambitions and aspirations, what I am proposing is that you re-discover an appreciation for the day-to-day ordinariness around you.  You may be amazed at how much is going unnoticed.  If you need any help, as Groucho suggested, call for a child.

After all, they say God is in the details.  We just need to look.

This post was inspired by the extraordinary taste, nourishment and satisfaction provided by this uncomplicated dish… The slow cooking and light herbs proved ideal in bringing out the nuanced taste of each vegetable in generous deliciousness.

roasted vegetables

Roasted Vegetables

Ingredients
4 cups                        mixed vegetables (bite sized)- Cauliflower, 
                                     Potatoes, Mushrooms, Yellow Pepper, French Beans
3/4th cup                cherry tomatoes, halved
4                                  small red onions – cut into wedges
8-10 cloves             garlic,  finely chopped
4 leaves                    garlic chives
4 sprigs                     marjoram
4 tablespoons        olive oil
3                                   lime leaves, broken
Salt
Dried Herbs (mixed)
Optional:  Small amount of crumbled cheese(feta) and paprika
Method
  1. Coat onions in salt and oil, roast for 10 minutes.
  2. Mix rest of dressing, toss and coat vegetables.
  3. Add roasted onions on top.
  4. Cover dish with aluminium foil.
  5. Bake at 230 C for 40 minutes.
  6. Optional topping of crumbled feta and paprika

1 Comment

Filed under Life and Living, Meal Experience, Recipe, World and Community

What Are Your ‘Memories’ Costing You?

Do we really tell ourselves the stories as they actually happened?

Our cherished memories are often retold in great detail, evoking the same emotions with intensity and recent familiarity. We also listen to the frequent narratives within our families, communities and so on, and with each retelling, the story seems to become more vivid for us.  This occasionally works to our advantage. So remembering a walk at the beach,  replaying the details of the sunset colors, the feel of the sand under your feet, the smell of the ocean breeze and the soothing sound of waves – returns one to a peaceful place.

Similarly, for years, I have associated the cinnamon smell of freshly baked apple pie, with warmth, motherly love and a sunny kitchen.  Whenever I ate apple pie, it gave me opportunity to discuss delicious recollections with whoever happened to be with me at that time.  A beautiful association with pampered, cared-for childhood days.  Sweet and nostalgic, isn’t it?

Only problem is, it never happened.  My mother made a lot of wonderful dishes, but I now know, Apple Pie was not one of them.  How do I know?  Because when I recently had the urge to make one, I tried to find a favored recipe.  There is no such recipe in her collection.  That led me to question my thoughts on the subject. As Byron Katie says, “You don’t have to believe everything your thoughts tell you.” And I was most amused when I realized that I learnt to make and eat apple pie in my friend’s kitchen, from her mother, well into college.  Prior to that, my extensive reading (including the delicious details from Enid Blyton books) in my early childhood had immersed me in worlds I had not really lived in.  Leading me to believe, that apple pie was a favorite childhood memory.

Now before you dismiss all this as one of my eccentricities, you may want to look up ‘False Memories’ or ‘Inaccurate Memories’ on the net.  Contrary to what most of us think, our memories are not accurate, factual accounts of things as they happened.  They are plastic and malleable, subject to suggestion, sometimes unknowingly borrowed from others through frequent discussion and so on.  There are serious implications to this when you add in the finding that ‘Remembering negative events can stimulate high levels of false memory, relative to remembering neutral events.‘ (~ see Source).

Further consider the following: “Marianne Hirsch (“The Generation of Postmemory”) writes, ‘Postmemory describes the relationship that the generation after those who witnessed cultural or collective trauma bears to the experience of those who came before, experiences that they “remember” only by means of the stories, images, and behaviors among which they grew up. But these experiences were transmitted to them so deeply and affectively as to seem to constitute memories in their own right. Postmemory‟s connection to the past is thus not actually mediated by recall but by imaginative investment, projection, and creation.’ (106/107)”  (~ see Source)

The implications of this are huge, both at an individual and collective level.

We often cling to our version of what we think happened and it can continue to cause a great deal of pain, anger and many other negative emotions, affecting our well being and relationships for a significant period of time.  It is not uncommon for the wounds and grudges to persist in individuals, families or collectives, without ever questioning the possibility that something in the story may have got a little different along the way.

Consider for a moment,

  • What if it did not happen the way you remember it?
  • Would you be willing to question your beliefs about this event/person/collective?
  • Would this help you be willing to let it go?
  • Would you rather be right, or free?

For those who struggle with forgiveness, starting afresh and seeing anew, if this article prompts you to look for means to be less rigid in the defense of your memory – there are plenty of tools that can help you.  Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and Emotion Code can both help in releasing the trapped emotions that keep our narratives locked in place. Ho ‘oponopono is also a wonderful way to correct the errors in our perception.

Fortunately for me, in this instance, I only had to laugh at my own fabrications, and happily enjoy the Apple Pie that inspired this post.   But, I hope this article helps someone question and release a troubling memory and also laugh at the tricks our mind plays with us, and how we buy into the drama all too seriously.

Apple Pie

4 Comments

Filed under Meal Experience, Relationships

What does your cooking say about you?

Who you are shows up in everything you do…  

Consider this:  If its 2 minute noodles that you make when you have to cook – well, that could mean you like to get things done quickly, without a fuss, just meeting the basic needs of the moment.   If you add in the cheese, vegetables or the eggs – you probably have an interest in flavor, as long as there isn’t too much of a fuss.  Or you aren’t completely insensitive to nutrition and self care.  On the other extreme, if you enjoy preparing an elaborate 7 course meal, then this could mean a willingness for hard work, liking for details and an interest in sensual tastes!

This thought came to me as I prepared my nth salad in the last few months.  One of the reasons that I make them so often is of course the fact that I have found a great supplier for my greens.  But there is certainly a great deal of alignment between making Salads and who I am:

Salad

  1. Keep it Short and Simple : I have a preference for crispness, essence, efficiency and speed.  
  2. Start with what you have:  I rarely look up a recipe and go shopping for ingredients.   My cooking is usually a putting together of what ever is on hand.  My approach to life has been pretty much the same… if life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.  Or reach for the tequila and salt!
  3. Be Resourceful and Adaptable: I generally make things up as I go along, modifying the process as per what happens along the way.  
  4. Enjoy Variety:  A small number of ingredients can be mixed to provide a wide range of tastes.  Keeps things interesting!
  5. Make it Colorful:  The bright, radiant colors appeal to me not only in food, but in life.  I like to think its been a fun and colorful life.
  6. Be Health Conscious: With my personal life and work both revolving around matters of holistic health and well being, this is a given.

I could go on with this flattering list 🙂

But the point is to encourage a similar introspection for you…

  • What do your cooking habits say about you?
  • Do you now notice something you haven’t appreciated about yourself?
  • Do you now feel there is something you would like to change?

If you find this inquiry interesting or helpful in any way, do share your insights as comments!

Recipe: Iceberg Salad

Iceberg lettuce + Cottage Cheese + Yellow Bell Pepper +Black Olives + Cherry Tomatoes + Green Pepper
Tossed in Olive Oil + Salt + Paprika + Dried Basil & Oregano

Leave a comment

Filed under Meal Experience, Recipe