Tag Archives: choices

“What Would You Like To Order?”

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As I sat peacefully in a fine dining restaurant, under the shade of a cool tree, I could not help but overhear the conversation at the table next to me.  A young couple, clearly in the early days of courtship.  Tremulous excitement.  Uncertain but hopeful air.  Attempting to decide upon mutually appealing fare as smoothly as possible.  They spent some time discussing the menu and then it was time to place the order.  

But the steward had other plans. With an air of authority, his confidence stopped just short of arrogance.  The couple before him were clearly no match.  The young man was anxious to please his date.  He hesitantly ‘suggested’ a dish they had discussed.  The steward responded with disdain, politely verbalizing, “Wouldn’t you like to try … instead? Our chef is particularly good at pastas.”  Visibly nervous, the young man glanced at his friend who had begun shaking her head in negation. “I don’t like pasta too much,” she pouted.  This put him in a fix.  He tried placing another order, but the steward was beginning to look displeased.  The lady also began to feel intimidated, doubting her own tastes.  “Are you sure it is good?” asked the customer.  Despite the affirmative, he asked another three times, in different ways.  Essentially, unknowingly, asking for assurance as they all knew that they would finally settle for the steward’s choice.  

As he walked away triumphantly, the two looked crestfallen and yet relieved.  “It should be good.  He told us so.” muttered the man.  “Yes, I guess no harm in trying.” she replied with a little disappointment.

While it is perfectly fine to solicit information and advise and be willing to experiment, seeing the dampening effect on them, the following observations came to mind:

  • It is easy to be influenced when we are not sure of our selves.
  • We give away our power easily to those in authoritative positions.  A steward can make you change your choice of food, a doctor your choice of treatment, and so on.  While there is nothing wrong with acknowledging and relying on another’s expertise, the question is, have you chosen your ‘expert’ with awareness, or through fear?  Is this a conscious evaluation or blind faith?
  • Despite having doubts about the congruence between the steward’s recommendations and their own preference, the customer failed to find the courage to voice them.  How often do we silence our inner voice and what does this cost us?  More than a meal I am sure.  Where have you stifled your own choices because of someone else’s influence?
  • Once he had relegated his power, repeatedly asking for assurance hints at how we attempt to justify the actions we have given in to.  The initial error is now re-framed by seeking reasons to rationalize it.
  • The feelings of discomfort are obvious and palpable, but ignored.  All they had to do was acknowledge that neither of them was happy with the order, call him back and change it.  But instead, they both pretended to be fine about it and even perpetuated the pretense with each other.  Again, what does this kind of masking cost us in other areas?

Who we are reflects in all our spaces.  And sometimes being observant in one area can lead to useful insights in other areas of your life.  So the next time you pick a new restaurant, do notice how you go about choosing your experience.

PS:  In case you are wondering, they did not enjoy the pasta after all. And drew the radical conclusion that they should avoid this restaurant in the future.  Rather sad, because the food and ambiance are excellent actually.   They just never took the opportunity it offered, but relied entirely on someone  else instead.

Image Courtesy:  Marylou Falstreau

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9 Buffet Tips That Can Be Applied To Life

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Even if the menu says ‘All you can eat‘, what you get out of the meal is largely up to you.  Much as is the case with life. Like the generous spread on offer at a lavish buffet, we are offered a wide variety of experiences.  And just as we can navigate the meal in different ways with varying consequences, so it is with life.  It has taken me a while to learn the ‘art of eating at buffets’ and I felt many things understood there are equally relevant to the way we move through life.  So here are 9 parallels one could draw between enjoying such meals and life:

  1.  Run a quick survey first:  Instead of loading up the plate from the start, an observant glance around the table will give a good idea of what is on offer.  While it may be tempting to think one can sample it all, going by the number of dishes put out on the average buffet these days, it would be wise to be more discerning.  Similarly, there are number of interests and experiences available out there, but realistically, we cannot sample them all.  Having a general sense of what you would definitely like towards the top of your list and what you can live without is a useful place to start.
  2. Decide what you don’t want:  The older ideas of sampling a spoonful of everything before deciding on the mains is now simply impractical.  You will either end up overeating or be too full to really dive deep into the flavors that appeal to you.  The body knows what it would like and what is good for it.  Those inclined can learn muscle testing to quickly and discretely discover what would work for them.  In life, mindfulness can just as easily guide us as to what would be appropriate for us.  The thoughtful pause is extremely useful in making conscious choice a way of being.
  3. All that glitters is not gold:  Attractive looking dishes may not make for the healthiest of food.  Artificial colors, additives and unhealthy ingredients can often look appealing but prove costly in the long run.  Which one of us has not had difficulty in resisting temptations in life?  But here too, short term indulgences can lead to expensive, long term consequences.  Sometimes the best things appear simple and you may miss their true merit if you go by appearance alone.  Weigh the pros and cons carefully.
  4. Don’t be afraid to explore: Bearing in mind the above, you can still experiment with the unfamiliar and unknown.  We tend to stick to old favorites, even checking the spread with an intention of finding what we liked the last time.  Be open to discovering something new.  If you never ask ‘What is good and new?‘, something fresh and wonderful may be under your nose, but you wouldn’t see it.  We often need to unlearn our old ideas in order to see radical shifts in our lives.
  5. Choose quality over quantity:  Anything in excess can prove detrimental to one’s health.  Selective portions of pleasing items can appease the taste buds and yet not be excessive.  We can practice the same discernment in life, displaying a wise moderation in our choice of activities and behaviors.
  6.  Make room for your favorites:  I have no qualms about having a sweet tooth.  So I ensure that I have a look at the desserts section at the very beginning and adjust my other intake accordingly.  I feel the same way about making room for sweetness in life.  There is no point in filling our hours with activities (or the lack of it) and depriving ourselves of whatever it is that really makes us come alive.
  7. Remember tastes differ:  One man’s meat is another man’s poison.  The beauty of having so much diversity on offer is that everyone is free to enjoy what suits them.  This is also true about diets, religion, philosophy, healing techniques and so on.  So live and let live.
  8. Value everything:  People seem to believe that the only way to get value for an expensive meal is to overeat.  Which implies that the only thing you are valuing is the quantity.  Whereas you are actually also availing of taste, ambiance, space, comfort, pampering and so on.  So don’t worry about stuffing yourself, but do make sure you appreciate the finer nuances of the dining experience.  Ever seen the modern day, typical tourist?  They seem so busy clicking pictures to take home ‘memories’ (or demonstrable evidence of their travels), that they forget to actually experience memorable moments.  Don’t pass through life blind to all the gifts it offers you.  The moment you widen the scope of what you value, you will find yourself appreciating each experience with a new depth and sincerity.
  9. Appreciate generously:  A lot of painstaking effort goes on behind the scenes, to make possible your heavenly dining experience.  If you like something in particular, do make it a point to pass on your compliments.  Look around you and notice how many people have contributed towards whatever joy you are experiencing today.  Have you thanked them for it?

What insights have you gained from your own buffet outings?  Do share your comments below.

 

Image Kind Courtesy: Marylou Falstreau (all rights reserved)

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Meeting Points + Recipe Spinach Vegetable Rice

“Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

Consider this – on one occasion, I had some friends over and asked whether they would like some tea. Ended up preparing a boiled chai with ginger, one without ginger, black tea with lemon, one green tea, one black coffee without sugar, one cold coffee with full milk and a few more.  You get the idea, I am sure.

Everyone has their own tastes, preferences and priorities. Meeting of interests and a commonality in ideas and values can generate much togetherness and synergy.  The tendency can be to start expecting this similarity to spill over into most, if not all areas.  However, this need not be the case.  Everyone has their own approach, likes and dislikes and simply because there is a common agreement in some of these –  it need not extend to all areas.  

While it seems an obvious observation, in hindsight, I realize that it took me a while to remember this and to stop making any such assumptions about another, regardless of how well you feel you know them.  Such assumptions could lead to misunderstandings or differences that can be avoided.

I have also found it useful to remember that there should be no insistence to convert others to your point of view.  If someone believes he must have his meat for protein intake, so be it.  If another feels he must go vegan, so be it.  Everyone has their own reasons, understanding and compulsions.  Just as I have my own.  So live and let live.

Hence, today, while I may share what I have learnt, or how I feel about things, there is no longer any forceful attempt to convince another of my chosen ways.  As Gibran said beautifully, “Say not, I have found the truth, but rather, I have found a truth.

This post came about as I was preparing a meal for a friend.  I wanted to use spinach and mushrooms and for me, cheese goes beautifully with the two.  But my friend avoids dairy.  So I made this tasty, nutritious fried rice instead.  When I told him this, he said, “But a little cheese would have been okay.  You didn’t have to change plans.”

The point being – when you respect each other’s opinion and give the space – people are more than likely to meet you half way 🙂

Spinach, Mushroom, Broccoli fried rice

Ingredients

15-20 Spinach leaves, chopped
1 large Red Onion, thinly sliced
4 large Portabella Mushrooms, thinly sliced
2 or 3 large florets of Broccoli, sliced long
1/2 cup semi cooked green peas
1 tomato, thinly sliced
5 cloves garlic, chopped
1 Red Bird’s Eye Chilly
Soy Sauce
Salt
Pepper
Sugar
1 tablespoon oil

2 cups cooked Rice

Method:

Fry onions, garlic and chilly. Add mushrooms, broccoli and seasonings. Stir a few minutes on heat. Add spinach. Once it has wilted, add rice, peas and lastly, the sliced tomato.

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December 20, 2012 · 9:16 am