Tag Archives: EFT

What Are Your ‘Memories’ Costing You?

Do we really tell ourselves the stories as they actually happened?

Our cherished memories are often retold in great detail, evoking the same emotions with intensity and recent familiarity. We also listen to the frequent narratives within our families, communities and so on, and with each retelling, the story seems to become more vivid for us.  This occasionally works to our advantage. So remembering a walk at the beach,  replaying the details of the sunset colors, the feel of the sand under your feet, the smell of the ocean breeze and the soothing sound of waves – returns one to a peaceful place.

Similarly, for years, I have associated the cinnamon smell of freshly baked apple pie, with warmth, motherly love and a sunny kitchen.  Whenever I ate apple pie, it gave me opportunity to discuss delicious recollections with whoever happened to be with me at that time.  A beautiful association with pampered, cared-for childhood days.  Sweet and nostalgic, isn’t it?

Only problem is, it never happened.  My mother made a lot of wonderful dishes, but I now know, Apple Pie was not one of them.  How do I know?  Because when I recently had the urge to make one, I tried to find a favored recipe.  There is no such recipe in her collection.  That led me to question my thoughts on the subject. As Byron Katie says, “You don’t have to believe everything your thoughts tell you.” And I was most amused when I realized that I learnt to make and eat apple pie in my friend’s kitchen, from her mother, well into college.  Prior to that, my extensive reading (including the delicious details from Enid Blyton books) in my early childhood had immersed me in worlds I had not really lived in.  Leading me to believe, that apple pie was a favorite childhood memory.

Now before you dismiss all this as one of my eccentricities, you may want to look up ‘False Memories’ or ‘Inaccurate Memories’ on the net.  Contrary to what most of us think, our memories are not accurate, factual accounts of things as they happened.  They are plastic and malleable, subject to suggestion, sometimes unknowingly borrowed from others through frequent discussion and so on.  There are serious implications to this when you add in the finding that ‘Remembering negative events can stimulate high levels of false memory, relative to remembering neutral events.‘ (~ see Source).

Further consider the following: “Marianne Hirsch (“The Generation of Postmemory”) writes, ‘Postmemory describes the relationship that the generation after those who witnessed cultural or collective trauma bears to the experience of those who came before, experiences that they “remember” only by means of the stories, images, and behaviors among which they grew up. But these experiences were transmitted to them so deeply and affectively as to seem to constitute memories in their own right. Postmemory‟s connection to the past is thus not actually mediated by recall but by imaginative investment, projection, and creation.’ (106/107)”  (~ see Source)

The implications of this are huge, both at an individual and collective level.

We often cling to our version of what we think happened and it can continue to cause a great deal of pain, anger and many other negative emotions, affecting our well being and relationships for a significant period of time.  It is not uncommon for the wounds and grudges to persist in individuals, families or collectives, without ever questioning the possibility that something in the story may have got a little different along the way.

Consider for a moment,

  • What if it did not happen the way you remember it?
  • Would you be willing to question your beliefs about this event/person/collective?
  • Would this help you be willing to let it go?
  • Would you rather be right, or free?

For those who struggle with forgiveness, starting afresh and seeing anew, if this article prompts you to look for means to be less rigid in the defense of your memory – there are plenty of tools that can help you.  Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and Emotion Code can both help in releasing the trapped emotions that keep our narratives locked in place. Ho ‘oponopono is also a wonderful way to correct the errors in our perception.

Fortunately for me, in this instance, I only had to laugh at my own fabrications, and happily enjoy the Apple Pie that inspired this post.   But, I hope this article helps someone question and release a troubling memory and also laugh at the tricks our mind plays with us, and how we buy into the drama all too seriously.

Apple Pie

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Filed under Meal Experience, Relationships

Celebrating Life + Recipe Pineapple Upside-down Cake

Everyone has a different way of coping with loss.

Today is Christmas and it also happens to be my parent’s wedding anniversary.  My mother passed away nearly twenty years back.  Her loss was sudden and catastrophic for us all. Several loved ones have left after that.  Its been a long journey, and over the years, I have found that what brings me peace is focusing on the gratitude that they lived.  Instead of sinking into depression, I recollect the wonderful moments we had together and how  deeply they have touched and influenced my life and continue to do so.  So birthdays and anniversaries remain days of gratitude and celebration.  One month after my husband passed away, my friends and I celebrated his birthday with a wonderful party at our regular haunt.  We played his favorite music, ate his favorite food, clinked many a glass in good cheer and laughed at his idiosyncrasies.  The attitude took some by surprise, but to their credit – they joined in with whole-hearted support.  Several of them have told me how touched they were and how it helped them cope with his loss.

I have shared this approach with my clients as well.  Emotional Freedom Techniques has improved its efficacy.  Using The Choices Method in EFT, I ask them to focus on a mental snapshot of one of their happiest times together.  We tap for the grief, helplessness, etc.. , using an affirmation like: “Even though I am overwhelmed with grief, I am grateful __ was in my life.”  We then do another round focusing on this snapshot and then a last round alternating between the two.  I cannot tell you what a transformation it has brought about in grieving clients.

In this world of duality, let us embrace both realities of life – living and moving on are two sides of the same coin.

Today – I chose to make a modified version of an upside down Pineapple Cake, because my mom enjoyed it.  For my father, I made my version of Egg Florentine.  (Don’t ask me what the rose petals and almonds are doing on the cake, that was his idea!)

Merry Christmas to you all!  Let the good cheer spread far and wide 🙂

Pineapple Upside Down Cake

pineapple cake

Ingredients

Topping
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup brown sugar (I used white)
1 medium pineapple (or 3/4th tin)
1/4  teaspoon Vanilla Bean scraping

 

 

 

Cake

1 egg
1/4 th cup sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla bean scraping
1/2 cup  milk
1/4th cup salted butter
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking powder

Method

Melt butter, sugar and vanilla together.  Add a little water if required.  Pour into a buttered cake dish.  Place Pineapple slices.

Beat the egg, add sugar, melted butter and milk, then the vanilla and sieved flour and baking powder.  Pour batter over the pineapple.  Bake in a preheated over (180 C) for about 40-45 minutes.  Take out and turn upside!  If you use white sugar, it will look like mine.  The more traditional one looks caramelized because of brown sugar.

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Filed under Life and Living, Meal Experience, Recipe, Relationships

Are you nourishing yourself?

My client is a diabetic.  When I asked him about his relationship with food, he was surprised by my question.   He said he takes no interest in food.  He has no liking for it.  He confessed that the last time he relished a meal was 10 years ago, when he went on a holiday with friends.  For ten years, he has had absolutely no interest, curiosity or appreciation for the healthy food his wife cooks for him.  He says that expensive, fresh fruit lie before him, but he will not eat it, despite knowing it is good for him.  Meals are treated like inconvenient necessities. During the meal itself, his attention is continually on his business, or on the television news.  “Further,” he added, “I often repeat to my children stories of our difficult times, when having food on the table was a challenge. I have to say I tend to emphasize the poverty rather than any gratitude for today.”

He went on, “For that matter, I have lost touch with all friends.  I have no hobbies and I don’t take interest in grooming myself either.   I just don’t seem to care for myself at all.”  He was stunned by all that had been triggered by my one question.

Our attitude towards food is a great metaphor for the extent of nourishment and nurturing that we allow our self.  Just like the air we breathe, these inputs are what allow us to enjoy a healthy life.  If we treat it with casual disdain, or even worse, an inconvenience that we somehow have to get over and done with, what degree of self care and benefits are we affording ourselves?

Because he had recently purchased Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life, I asked him if he had read the affirmation suggested for diabetes.  With a sheepish look, he confessed he hadn’t.  I shared it:  “This moment is filled with joy. I now choose to experience the sweetness of today.”  

In the last session, he had successfully learnt how to use EFT to get himself to exercise on a daily basis.  We now discussed how he can shift his relationship with food using EFT and awareness.

I would be happy if this article were to provoke a similar self appraisal for other readers.  Any issues that arise out of such introspection can be addressed through a conscious shift in habits.  If required, you may like to try EFT for yourself.   You can download a free one-pager here, or get my book Emotional Freedom Techniques.

Related Article: Lifelines – and why we cut them off

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Filed under Healing Foods, Meal Experience

How are water crystals and EFT relevant to your meal? (EFT script)

“Thank you for the food we eat…”

 

For  those who are familiar with Masaru Emoto’s work, you would have seen the beautiful images he has captured of water crystals, after exposing the water to words like love and gratitude, or after prayer.  Quoting from his website: “The result was that we always observed beautiful crystals after giving good words, playing good music, and showing, playing, or offering pure prayer to water. On the other hand, we observed disfigured crystals in the opposite situation.

Given this dramatic demonstration of change in physical structure, due consideration should be given to the energy with which we cook and the practice of prayer/grace/thanks before our meals.  Just as we are 60% to 70% water ourselves, our food also has a high water content.  In today’s hectic world, we tend to eat in a rush, scattered and absent minded, or worse still, while watching television which may be bombarding you with more depressing news and horrors.  

Isn’t all this going to impact what nourishment we receive out of it?

I am most gladdened to know people who are conscious of such impacts.  The Aman Setu School at Pune is a school with a different approach than most.  One of the things that they do differently, is that they have incorporated mindfulness and Emotional Freedom Techniques into their  daily routine.  EFT works at a deep level, harmonizing energies as well as addressing the mind.  They have been using my ‘EFT for Juniors’ script on a regular basis with the children.  This school year, I was delighted to receive a request from the school for an EFT script to be tapped in before meals.  So I promptly sent them one and it is now being enjoyed twice a day at the school.

If you would like to learn more about EFT, please see my book: Emotional Freedom Techniques,  or download the free EFT Basic Recipe  to give this script a try.  While it is not advisable to practice any energy healing technique immediately after food, tapping this in just before your meal is very likely to change your experience for the better 🙂

 

Karate Chop left               As I sit down to eat
Karate Chop right             I am thankful for all those who made this                                                 treat
Eyebrow                             The sun that poured in all its strength
Side of the Eye                  The water that helped it grow
Under the Eye                   The earth that nurtured and cared
Under the Nose & Chin   And the fire that cooked it slow
Collarbone                         So many have worked from dawn to dusk
Under the Arm                 Birds and butterflies, cows and                                                                      earthworms, too!
Wrists                                The farmer, the shopkeepers, the driver,                                                    the talented cooks
Back of hands                   All their efforts have brought me this                                                         healthy meal
Top of head                      And I now gratefully enjoy this tasty feast

 

Do share your feedback here and if you like the idea, please share this post with others.  Thanks!

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Filed under Meal Experience